


Nine Lives, Cat's Eyes

by PaxieAmor



Series: Portal'verse [6]
Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: AU, F/M, Kittens everywhere!, M/M, So very AU, THIS IS ALL SARAH'S FAULT, kittens!
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-09-28
Updated: 2013-01-10
Packaged: 2017-11-15 05:17:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/523565
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaxieAmor/pseuds/PaxieAmor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Loki has set his sights on taking over a world; he doesn't care which one at this point, and has decided on Sarah's.</p>
<p>No one would have thought kittens were part of the plan, but they don't call him the God of Mischief for nothing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Return to the Portal'verse! After the insanity that was the ending of "The Fallen", I decided that I needed to bring the silly back.
> 
> BTW, this story is ENTIRELY [haipollai](http://archiveofourown.org/users/haipollai)'s fault. Go read her stuff and tell her she's awesome, because she is.

Twice before in my life, I’ve had what you could call an ‘out of body experience’; today was a third time. Loki had me trapped in a dead end hallway—which, ironically, I’d been running down in order to stay away from him—and I was seeing it all like I was at the movies or a football game. I watched myself trip over my own feet when I heard his cackle following me, watched myself fall face first into the wall…

I was trying not to think about how the trickster god had gotten into the building in the first place, because that lead to thinking about things I didn’t want to think about… like the possibility of someone I love being hurt or worse… I shivered at the thought, shaking my head to clear it and looking around to find some way out of this hallway, some escape to freedom…

“Hello, Other Worlder.” He still called me that, though I’d stopped thinking of myself as such long ago. This world was home now, and nothing he or anyone else said would make me feel otherwise.

“Hello, Loki,” I replied, noticing the way my voice shook. Why wouldn’t it? I was afraid of him and I honestly didn’t give a damn who knew it. Anyone who _wasn’t_ afraid of him was crazier than he is.

“You think I’m crazy?”

“Did you read my mind or did I mutter than under my breath?”

“Does it matter?” I thought for a moment.

“Not really, no.” I put on my best smile, batting my eyelashes a couple times. “Hey, this has been a lovely chat, but I really do have to get going…”

“Oh, no,” he replied. “I still need you.”

“For what?” I was stalling. It was likely obvious to him, but maybe I’d be able to keep it up until someone (Jarvis, probably) realized I hadn’t made it out of the tower and sent someone in to rescue me. Hopefully sooner rather than later.

“The rift that brought you here,” he said, shaking me out of my thoughts. “I want it opened.”

“And you think I can help you with that?” He smirked; it took a lot of effort not to shudder.

“Oh, I _know_ you can.”

“I already told you,” I said as bravely as I could muster. “I’ll die before I help you with anything.” My bravery had come from spotting a door to my right; it had opened slightly while Loki was talking and if I was quick enough, I could dart inside. I had no idea what I’d do from there, but it was better than being trapped here.

“Ironically,” the god chuckled, raising his spear and pointing it right at me. “That’s _exactly_ what I need you to do.” My eyes widened; noticing the door meant nothing now, I couldn’t outrun a blast from his spear.

“Why?” I asked quickly. I didn’t try to hide that I was afraid, hoping that giving him a sense of control would buy me at least a few minutes more… and hopefully that few minutes would be enough for someone to stop him…

“Your death opened the rift once,” he replied simply. “It should do it again.”

“Sarah!” Phil Coulson burst out of the door I’d been eyeing and all I could do was watch in horror as he moved between me and Loki. I couldn’t help flashing back to the early hours of May 4th, 2012, when me and a group of friends saw the agent die at Loki’s hand; I remembered the sob I’d let out, the feel of a friend’s hand on my shoulder… and now I was sure I was going to see it again, but this time it would be _real_. This time, he really would die, and it would be to save me.

“Phil, no!” My words came just as Loki fired a blast at Phil, hitting him square in the chest. I ran forward, planning to catch him in my arms.

All I caught were his clothes.

“Loki!” Thor’s voice boomed down the hallway as he raced towards us. I could hear Loki scowl and promise to ‘get me next time’ before vanishing into the room Phil had run out of, Thor following close behind. I barely registered his threat;  I had fallen to me knees where Phil should have fallen; not only was he gone, but he was _gone_. My handler, my dear _friend_ was completely gone and all I could think of was why did this have to happen; why couldn’t Thor have come sooner, why couldn’t I have been faster, why couldn’t I have run some other way… why couldn’t I have done _something_ to stop this from happening?

“Oh god, Phil,” I whispered, hugging his suit tight, feeling the tears starting to well in my eyes. “Phil, I’m so, so sorry…”

“Mrow!” The sound startled me into dropping the clothes onto floor, backing away quickly. I stared at the garments in shock as they moved around slightly.

“What the hell…” I kept my distance from the clothes at first, just watching something move around in one of the pant legs. A moment later, a small grey and white kitten popped its head out of the end of pant leg and looked right at me, a bewildered look on its face.

“Mrow?” The cat’s eyes widened instantly and he started to look around, as if he didn’t know the noise had come from him. “Mrow… mrow!” He and I just stared at each other for a moment. At first, I was trying to figure out why Phil had a kitten in his pants; all of the reasons I could think of were, in a word, insane.

I’ve always had two favorite Sherlock Holmes quotes, both of which could be applied to this situation. The first is “When you’ve eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, no matter how improbable, must be the truth”. Of course, I was having issues eliminating the impossible, so I went to the next quote: “Life is stranger than anything the mind of man can invent”.

I took a deep breath, scooted back over to the kitten and picked him up. It was what most would call a ‘tuxedo kitten’; all grey, save for a triangular patch of white on his chest and a stripe that ran down between his blue eyes and forked into an upside down Y around his nose and just above his mouth. I was used to seeing them in black and white rather than grey and white. He looked… he looked as scared as I had been when Loki was pointing the spear at me, but he also looked like he didn’t want anyone to know it. I swallowed.

“Phil?” I asked, looking directly into his blue eyes. “Phil, is that…”

The kitten mewed again, his expression changing from mildly confused to “what the ever loving _fuck_ is going on?” It was that look that confirmed everything for me; somehow, this kitten really _was_ Phil Coulson.

“Oh my god, Phil!” I held him close to my chest, scratching behind his ears. Tears were falling down my cheeks, but I didn’t care; Phil was alive. “I’ve got you,” I whispered. “I’ve got you, Phil…”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh god, there's more xD

“Loki turned Agent Coulson into a cat.” If Nick Fury was amused by this chain of events, he was hiding it well. He maintained his stoic gaze as he cast his eye upon me and the sleeping kitten in my lap. Thor had returned to my side after throwing Loki through a window (Dad would be amused by that, I’m sure) and the god had vanished before hitting the ground. He asked me four or five hundred times if I was alright before escorting me and Phil-kitty (if he knew I was calling him that, he would find some way to kill me) to a conference room, where Fury and Hill were waiting for us.

“Yes, sir,” I replied, petting Phil lightly and listening to him purr.

“Miss Stark, is this your idea of a joke?” Agent Hill asked me. “Because it’s not particularly funny.” Hill and I… weren’t friends. She was a bit too business for me; I’ve never seen her loosen up once. Maybe if I did, things would be different, but right now… toleration was the best way to describe our relationship. We weren’t uncivil towards one another, but we weren’t friendly either.

“The lady does not jest,” Thor said sternly as he crossed his arms over his chest. “I saw it with my own eyes; Loki fired his spear at Lady Sarah, Agent Coulson took the hit for her, and he vanished. This kitten was left in his place.” Thor was getting cookies later, make no mistake. Not only because he was corroborating my story to Fury and the Avengers, but because he was corroborating it to _me_ ; even I, who had somehow fallen into this universe via a rift in time and space, was having a hard time believing that my friend and handler had been turned into a kitten and he was now sleeping in my lap.

“Sarah!?” Before I could answer, Tony ran into the room and wrapped his arms around me tight. “Are you alright, they said Loki had you and something about a cat…”

“Mrow.” It was obvious that Phil was unhappy about his beauty sleep being disturbed and had no qualms about letting everyone know that.

“Fucking hell,” Tony stammered. “Is that…”

“It’s Phil,” I replied. “Loki was going to use his spear on me, Phil stepped in the way… it doesn’t make sense, though…”

“What vexes you, Lady Sarah?” Thor asked. I had given up on trying to get him to call me just “Sarah” long ago. It was better than “Princess Stark”, which he’d started calling me after someone (likely Clint) told him that was the meaning of my name.

“Loki said he wanted…” I paused, thinking over my choice of words. “No, that he _needed_ me dead, but Phil is… mostly okay.” Phil looked up, an adorably annoyed look on his adorable kitten face. “You’re alive, Phil, we’re taking that as a win. But _why_? If he was planning to kill me, why did Phil turn into a cat?”

“Perhaps he wasn’t trying to kill you right then?” Hill suggested. “Perhaps he meant to turn you into a cat?” I narrowed my eyebrows; not in annoyance, but confusion.

“You’re going to have to explain that one to me,” I admitted. “Because I’m not seeing it.” She shrugged her shoulders.

“Maybe he can’t kill you right now? If there’s something he needs to wait for, he could have thought you’d be easier to handle as a cat?” I laughed.

“He would think that, wouldn’t he? Does he forget cats have claws?” I carefully picked up Phil and checked his claws. “Phil certainly has a full set…”

“Oh my god, it’s _true_!” In moments of sheer, unadulterated glee, Clint Barton has the ability to squee like a fangirl. Seeing Phil as a kitten was one of those moments, apparently. Before I could advise him otherwise, Clint scooped Phil-kitty (he’s going to read this someday and _murder_ me in my sleep) and cradled him in his arms, on his back. “Who’s a fluffy little fuzz ball?” Phil looked over at me, a distinct glare on his face. He looked up at Clint—who was making baby noises and wiggling his finger in front of Phil’s face—then back to me. I grinned, nodding once.

It was then that we learned that Phil-kitty goes for the eyeballs.

“Fuck!” Clint pulled Phil-kitty off of his face and threw him back towards me. I caught him before he flew past me, wincing as Phil dug his claws into my arm. “Jesus Christ!”

“Well, that settles it for me,” Fury said with a slight grin. “The cat is _clearly_ Agent Coulson.” He looked to me, an eyebrow raised. “You will be taking charge of him, Miss Stark.”

“Of course, Director.”

“Sir, is that wise?” Hill asked, her words mixing with my own. “Not that Miss Stark wouldn’t be more than capable of handling Agent Coulson in his current state, but she does have more pressing matters to concern herself with…”

“That is the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me, Hill,” I said cheerily. There was a look on her face that I wasn’t familiar with, so much so that I’m unable to describe it… but now wasn’t the time to worry about that. “And yet, I’m still offended; there is nothing more ‘pressing’ to me right now than making sure that Phil is safe until we can get him back to normal.”

“With all due respect, Miss Stark, there is reason to believe that Loki will try again…”

“And that is not my division!” I nodded my head towards Tony. “I’ve been repeatedly informed by Misters Stark and Rogers that under no circumstances am I allowed to actively engage any villain more powerful than Justin Hammer, and even then I’m to call for back-up first.”

“Actively engage?” Hill asked.

“Basically,” Tony jumped in, “she’s not allowed to go looking for trouble, but it’s not her fault if trouble comes looking for her.” Tony had his hand on my shoulder. It was a simple gesture, but enough to let me know he was there, that he would be looking out for me like he always was. I liked that.

“Where is Steve, by the way?” I asked. “He’s alright, isn’t he?”

“Yeah, he’s fine,” Tony replied, chuckling a little.

“What’s so funny?” Clint asked, dabbing the fresh scratches on his face with a tissue. I felt a little bad for him, but if you mess with the cat, you’re going to get the claws.

“Captain America is allergic to cats.” The distressed yowl that came out of Phil-kitty’s mouth would have been completely heartbreaking, were it not so hilarious. “Calm down, fuzzy.” Tony scratched behind his ears, quickly moving his hand away before the cat could latch onto him. “He’s down in medical right now, getting some allergy medication so neither of you ends up banished from the mansion.” Phil seemed to relax after hearing that.

“Can we get back to the original topic?” Hill asked. “While I understand that dealing with Loki is ‘not your division’, there still needs to be efforts made to ensure your safety.” I raised my eyebrows.

“I live with the Avengers, Hill, how much safer do you need me to be?”

“You aren’t with them _all_ the time,” Fury said, prompting me to direct my attention towards him. “If Loki is right, and you’re somehow the key to reopening the rift that brought you here, then he will not stop until he has you.”

“I don’t like where this is going.”

“Until we can verify or disprove Loki’s claims, you will be assigned a SHIELD agent to shadow you and ensure your safety.” Clint raised his hand.

“Sir, I would like…”

“With all due respect, Agent Barton,” Fury cut in. “You are too emotionally invested in this situation; not only do you and Miss Stark have some sort of ‘bromance’ going on…” I giggled. I couldn’t help it. Neither could Clint. “But, you are still quite willing to go out of your way to put an arrow in his eye and that could cause a lapse in judgment.”

“To be fair,” I said before Clint could protest. “Is there anyone in this room who doesn’t want to put something somewhere on Loki’s person that would cause him extreme pain? Show of hands?” Not even Thor raised his hand, which honestly says a lot.

“Regardless,” Fury continued, “we will be assigning someone else to this particular detail.”

“Why do I get the feeling you already have someone in mind?” Tony asked.

“Because I do; Agent Hart.” I blinked. Hart wasn’t a name I was familiar with; Tony, however, was.

“Galaga!?” he yelled. “Really, Nick? Really?”

“Agent Hart has already been reprimanded for his inappropriate use of SHIELD resources during work hours, Mr. Stark,” Hill said bluntly. “To continue to bring up this matter is frivolous.”

“Wait, wait, wait,” I said, a grin curling my lips. “The guy who was playing Galaga during the Chitauri invasion, you’re assigning him to me?” Nick Fury nodded. “Awesome!”

“Awesome?” Thor asked, raising an eyebrow. “He is not a warrior worthy of protecting you in this time of danger.”

“I disagree!” My grin widened. “Agent Hart was _clearly_ so confident in the abilities of the Avengers, that he felt that his efforts would be useless and…”

“I’m going to stop you right there, Miss Stark,” Fury said quickly, “Because I know your silver tongue will talk me into giving him a promotion or _worse_.”

“Worse than a promotion, sir?” I asked with a grin. “Perish the thought.” It was then that I noticed a strange look on Thor’s face; it was there and gone in a flash but it still made my heart ache… I made a mental note to ask him about it later.

“Agent Hart will report to the mansion tomorrow morning,” Fury continued. “Hill, be sure to inform him of his new assignment.” Hill nodded. “What time would be good for you, Miss Stark?”

“I’m doing PR for Stark Industries all day tomorrow,” I replied. “The first one is at nine, so if he could be there around eight?”

“I’ll make sure he’s there.” I looked down at Phil who was sleeping in my arms, lying on his back. One of his back paws was twitching slightly in his sleep and I couldn’t help thinking about how much more animated he was as a cat.

Until Phil-kitty was back to Phil-human, my life was going to be very, very interesting.


	3. Chapter 3

How many of you remember that I have a dog?

Phil was not one of those who do.

“Renner!” I called, walking into the mansion with Phil in my arms. “Here boy!” Phil-kitty looked at me, rather confused, for about five seconds. That was when we heard the sound of claws hitting solid wood floors, along with a series of loud, excited barks. Phil looked absolutely terrified as the pup, who was at least three times the size of him, skidded to a stop in front of us, and drug his claws deep into my arms when I knelt down and allowed Renner to get right up next to him.

The dog sniffed at the kitten, a look of confusion on his fuzzy face. He looked at me, then back at Phil, giving him another good sniffing. He then barked happily and began licking Phil, his tongue engulfing the entirety of the kitten’s face.

“What just happened?” Tony asked, his voice startling me slightly, as I’d forgotten he was behind me.

“It would appear,” I replied as I set Phil down on the floor, chuckling slightly as Renner attempted to cuddle with him. “That my hypothesis was correct.”

“You had a hypothesis?”

“I did.”

“When did this happen?”

“In the car on the way home.”

“Did you mention it?”

“No, I wanted see if I was right before saying anything.” I nodded to Phil, who was (seemingly) happily chasing Renner around a coffee table. “Phil smells the same.” Tony blinked at me a few times.

“He… what?”

“He smells the same.” I repeated. “At least to Renner. He’s a little thrown off by what he looks like, but Renner knows that cat is Phil.”  Both Renner and Phil chose that moment to run over and leap into my lap, each of them vying for a spot. I laughed, pulling them both in for a snuggle. “And it seems like they’re going to get along just fine.”

“Good,” Tony replied, muttering something about not caring for one to keep it away from the other. “What are you doing with Agent while you’re out tomorrow?”

“Taking him with me. Probably Renner too.”

“You’re going to be doing press all day.”

“Yes, I know.” I put the animals on the floor and counted off on my fingers. “Cooking demo on Good Morning America, craft demo on Ellen, and basic chit chat on Ferguson.” I giggled with glee. “Chris Hardwick’s going to be there tonight, do you have any idea how excited I am?”

“And you’re going to take Phil and Renner with you through all of that?”

“Renner does fine on press tours, you know that.” There was silence for a moment; There was something Tony wanted to say, but he wasn’t… he wouldn’t, unless I pushed him. “What?” He opened his mouth to reply, shut it quickly, thought about what he wanted to say, then finally spoke.

“You should cancel.”

“Cancel?” I asked, raising my eyebrows. “Because I have Renner and Phil? Look, Renner I could leave with Darcy if you’re really worried about it, but Phil I…”

“Honey, I’m worried about _you_!”

He put his hands on my shoulders, and Renner instantly began to growl; we learned early on that he didn’t like it when _anyone_ , family or not, put their hands on me in what he deemed to be an aggressive manner. The problem was that the definition of ‘aggressive’ changed from day to day, which is why Thor lost the leg to a pair of pants a few weeks ago after giving me a hug.

“I know you forget,” Tony said, ignoring Renner’s growls as he wrapped his arms around me. “Because you’re not used to it… but I care about you. We _all_ do. None of us want to see you hurt…” I leaned into his embrace, resting my head on his shoulder.

“I know,” I whispered. “But I’m going to be fine; you guys are always a text message away, and Fury has assigned Agent Hart…”

“Galaga.”

“ _Hart_ , Dad.”

“Fine.”

“Point being, I’m going to be fine.”

“Okay.” There was grumbling. Tony Stark grumbles with the best of them, let me tell you. It’s the kind of grumbling that will continue unless the grumbler is given something he wants.

“Do you want to implant a homing device into my skull?” I asked, completely straight faced.

“Your skull is overkill,” he replied. “But I’d settle for a watch or something.” I rolled my eyes.

“Make it ‘or something’, I hate wearing things around my wrists.”

Coming up with an “or something” would be enough to keep Tony busy down in his workshop for the rest of the afternoon, and everyone else would be off at SHIELD doing whatever else they had to do, which would allow me to sneak away with Renner and Phil to what I liked to call my Not-Secret Secret Hide Out. It wasn’t a secret in the sense that it was hidden; it was a second story lounge in Avengers Mansion, one that was rarely used and mostly by me. It was smaller than the living room, though still big enough for all of us to fit if we wanted to, with a fireplace. There was no television in the room, which is why I would often go there with a cup of tea and a book, and just relax. Jarvis would play music for me, usually something classical, and I would curl up on the sofa and lose myself in whatever fictional world was contained within the pages before me, with Renner sleeping on my feet. Yes, I do mean on them. Today was no different, save for Phil-Kitty curling up on my shoulder and seemingly reading along with me. Maybe he was just getting around to reading all of “The Hobbit” as well.

(For anyone wondering, I had most of the book read to me by a teacher in high school during a study hall; he read to us to keep us from causing problems, but the school year ended before the book did. Because of this, most of my Hobbit knowledge comes from the animated film and the 2012 Peter Jackson version which was AWESOME OMG.)

I had barely gotten past the tour of Bag End when I could feel someone’s eyes upon me. I looked towards the door just in time to see a wave of blond hair disappear out of sight. I smiled.

“You can come in if you want, Thor,” I said, moving over to give him room on the sofa. He stepped into the room with a sheepish look on his face, his hand absently rubbing the back of his head.

“I did not want to disturb you, Lady Sarah,” he replied.

“You’re not,” I promised. “Please, sit?” The demigod walked in and sat down beside me, careful not to sit on Renner, who moved from my feet to Thor’s lap. We sat in silence for a moment or two, Thor scratching behind Renner’s ears while I continued to read, before I finally asked what was wrong.

“I am sorry for my brother.”

“I appreciate that, but you do know it’s not your fault?” He began to nod, but then shook his head.

“I suppose I should… know that, I mean. But his words… he said to me once that all he remembers is growing up in my shadow. And now that I have had time to consider it, he was right…” He continued petting Renner, though the action was becoming less active and more mindless repetition. “Perhaps if I would have realized this sooner…”

“You know I had an older brother?” Thor looked at me, nodding. “Jim was a good guy, sometimes. Other times, a mean streak would take him over and heaven help you if you didn’t stay out of his way. He was popular, had a lot of friends and was out a lot with them… he was smart, but it wasn’t book smart, you know?”

“I… do not?” I bit my lip for a moment, hoping the analogy I was about to use wasn’t received poorly.

“Imagine that you and Loki are my brother and me, respectively; you are Jim, I am Loki.” Thor’s eyes narrowed slightly, not in anger but in mild confusion. “You are a warrior, more hands on and active, yes?” He nodded. “That’s how Jim was, he was more comfortable actually doing things than reading about how to do them. He didn’t do well in a tradition school, but excelled in a technical program.”

“I believe I understand.”

“Okay, now Loki is a book person, yeah? He reads his books and prefers his solitude and knowledge to fighting, right?”

“Yes, that does sound like my brother.”

“That was me when I was younger, and in a way, I was looked upon as the more favored child because of it.” I smiled sadly. “Not because I was better at school or anything, but because my interests in books and learning kept me at home so my father and his wife didn’t have to be.” Thor nodded.

“So, you weren’t favored because you were smart, but because you…” He frowned. “Because you were a tool.”

“Sadly, yes, but Jim didn’t see it that way; in his eyes, I was the ‘good child’ and he wasn’t, and he hated that.”

“I am sorry.”

“I am too… but imagine not having the illusion of being the good child. You just know that you’re the bad one, and no matter what you do, your sibling will always be better.”

“That is how Loki felt…”

“Still feels, I imagine.” I reached over and put my hand on his shoulder, Phil moving to the back of the sofa as I did so. “And you’ll never be able to change that. What’s done is done. All you can hope for is that someday, after you’ve said you’re sorry for something that’s really not _your_ fault, he looks at you and says it’s all right.”

“You think that might happen?” he asked. I gave his shoulder a squeeze.

“I think anything is possible,” I replied truthfully.

“What about you and Jim? Did it happen for you?” I nodded.

“He and I were becoming friends before he died.” He put his hand on top of mine, squeezing lightly.

“You speak quite hopefully for someone that is determined to kill you…”

“I see a lot of myself in him,” I admitted. “You do too, I think.”

“I do… but how did you know?”

“I saw the look on your face when Fury said I had a silver tongue; I don’t take it as an insult, as I assume you do?”

“Not an insult… just a sad memory of happier times.” I nodded, knowing how those could be and now wishing I could take his mind off things.

“Have you ever read “The Hobbit”?” I heard myself ask. He looked at me curiously, shaking his head. I smiled, settled back in my seat, and turned back to the first page.

“In a hole in the ground,” I read, “there lived a hobbit.”

An hour later, I looked up from the book, expecting Thor to have fallen asleep. To my surprise, the rest of the Avengers seemed to have wandered in at some point, each of them seated somewhere in the room, listening intently. Phil, who had moved into my lap at some point, pawed at the book in my hands and looked up at me with a face that insisted I continue. I laughed softly, scratching behind his ears.

“Just when a wizard would have been most useful too…”


End file.
